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1.
my way seems lost can’t read the map roads swirl in circles leading back to where I am no matter which way I’ve gone I end up right back here where ends are beginning and the beginnings never end layers on layers everywhere I turn layers and layers so much to learn walking over stacks of history manuscripts in the wind in pieces for all to see a hopelessly winding road convoluted and incomprehensible keep moving, keep going to get myself to me layers on layers everywhere I turn layers on layers so much to learn imprints of ancestors diagrams of dances my people left their marks their cartography of chances I stare with awe I don’t trip or fall steps choreograph themselves somehow making sense of it all layers on layers everywhere I turn layers and layers so much to learn my way seems lost can’t read the map roads swirl in circles leading back to where I am no matter which way I’ve gone I end up right back here where ends are beginning and the beginnings never end
2.
A Cool Moon 02:44
a cool moon lights through a biting wind trees are bare and the air is crisp like a perfect in-season apple it’s juicy icy crunch helps me remember spring and summer and the time it took for it to make it’s way into my hands I walk to the car door over grass and weeds going dormant things are moving slowly breathing in enjoyment my skin quakes and shakes under the starry night anyone watching from their warm houses would see a dark and cold sight I start the car and turn on the heat it seems a place to store meat it idles rough, the lights don’t work the engine coughs and sputters with a jerk as I drive off the moonlight is bright and warm enough to get me there a cool moon lights through a biting wind a cool moon shows me the way home
3.
Beach 03:33
this all feels so lovely let’s take a walk together to where warm air blows across our faces children are playing in the ocean breeze and I’m sitting here at my ease not a care in the world letting all these things flow in the whirling wind reading books, playing guitar, watching people or just sleeping and maybe I’ll be thinking on that which I really should be getting done but can’t get to cause I’m here at the beach I’m out of reach my cellphone does not seem to work that well I’ll talk into that shell while my feet are being covered with sand by the little girl angel who holds my hand so I’ve got a couple more hours before the sun goes down and we go back to our regular lives and I really like this lovely mystery and simplicity everything that you can’t find when you are in the city oh oh just stay here with me just a little bit longer I’ll go get some snacks that are likely overpriced but tasty and salty like the ocean water cause I’m here at the beach I’m out of reach my cellphone does not seem to work that well I’ll talk into that shell while my feet are being covered with sand by the little girl angel who holds my hand can you put some sunscreen on? can we throw the ball around? can we stay at least until the sun sets? got to show my strokes to our folks up there who like to watch as the water moves in circles around my hand until I float onto the beach exhausted like a whale covered in the lovely sand so stay a little longer and hold my other hand and maybe you‘ll get your feet 
 covered too cause we’re here at the beach we’re out of reach our cellphones do not seem to work that well I'll talk into that shell while our feet are being covered with sand by the little girl angel who holds our hands by the little girl angel who holds our hands by the little girl angel who holds our hands
4.
just awake at a soft recline in the afternoon sunshine streaming through open blinds making shadows and lines someone's taking a jog another walking their dog someone's fixing their house another restoring their car as I look out I feel trapped inside should I take a walk or a bike ride? but it seems too cold and windy just to see some birds and trees, It’s warm in here with safety and a sense of ease maybe I’ll go out to the car and go somewhere far for a different perspective from being introspective neighbors make rhythms and grooves in a jumble with my car stereo and the train's rumble they would complete a great score, that I’ll only hear if I crack open the door to where I don’t know into a great and vast flow of my imagination and revelations circling the clouds above the crowds into the beautiful rain calling my name would it not be the same as looking out the living room window with tears in my eyes a hazy view of the ground a world with muted sound cars and insects, land and trains are those gravel mounds or mountains? all these things are a way into my dreams as the scenery passes by, it seems like those car rides I took as a kid old grainy film projected onto a screen moving sideways my gaze goes in and out of phase moving around can grow tiring looking upon town after town hotels are not as charming just another place to sit down to be a witness to a secret moment in stillness is it really different from the glass and air sitting on my worn sofa chair? just awake at a soft recline in the afternoon sunshine streaming through open blinds making shadows and lines
5.
In The Night 03:39
how did I get here, alone in the middle of these woods? trees looming above letting in tiny moonbeams in the night find the light there is much that will delight dancing in the snow sparkling through the trees moving on this path forward gentle hands are pulling me into a vast expanse that travels for miles a frozen lake taking my breath away in the night find the light there is much that will delight wind and snow bite my face mountains shadows smile wildly beautiful as loved one’s faces gentle light from a cave calling to be seen I hike right up to the mouth and walk right in in the night find the light there is much that will delight minerals glowing so lovely and lively I lay down to look up at the sight and feel my family laying next to me how did I get here, alone in the middle of these woods? trees looming above letting in tiny moonbeams in the night find the light there is much that will delight
6.
Circle 03:06
going around going around going around this heavenly circle all of our lives we find a way dance and sing in a circle with us by our side deep in the twilight where the winds blow where our hearts beat as one to an end we do not know all of our lives we find a way dance and sing in a circle with us by our side all the way down where the rainbow meets the ground to the core of the earth to find a golden sound all our lives we find a way dance and sing in a circle with us by our side we are searching for the end of a circle for the rest of our lives endlessly seeking ring after ring to find a jewel that thrives going around going around going around this heavenly circle all of our lives we find a way dance and sing in a circle with us by our side with us by our side with us by our side
7.
Wandering 04:43
my daughter won’t speak to me out of the car into school without saying goodbye my wife’s at home crying asking to be alone I think somebody died no matter where I could drive my favorite places are not open monday morning at 8:25 I may as well stay alone so I’m wandering beautiful clouds in the sky looking like waffle irons breakfast for the eyes thinking of all the sadness and anger when I get where I’m supposed to go just want to be late, to procrastinate stopping this going with the flow circle around the loop on the the highway that goes around the city want some kind of connection but no responsibility so I’m wandering beautiful clouds in the sky drive through Seth’s for a coffee and a muffin that’s not too dry my phone beeps at 8:45 time to be somewhere you’ve had this luxurious 20 minutes drive time to stop and face what’s there actually a text’s sayin’, we want you around kinda miss your wandering musical sounds so come back to us turn around that old beaten down Prius stop your wandering beautiful clouds goodbye go home for a slice of day-old pumpkin pie stop your wandering beautiful clouds goodbye It will go great with your coffee with a breakfast comforting our eyes and a breakfast comforting your eyes and a breakfast with the cloudy blue skies
8.
Time Today 04:08
where has my time gone away? what the heck did I really do today? staring out into space wondering about the human race we need more harmony instead of more stinkin’ green algae having a hard time standing after a mighty rough landing things seem out of balance based too much on chance where has my time gone away? what the heck did I really do today? strewn everywhere in my hidden secret lair floating out the egress window layers going out with the flow towards the highest skies where all our focus lies take a picture, turn it in say it has a perfect feelin’ where has my time gone away? what the heck did I really do today? insomniac body feels numb brain and hair stuck with gum disembodied molecules breaking all the rules weaving myself through walls recombining into waterfalls endless daydreams travelin’ light transfer beams where has my time gone away? what the heck did really I do today? a cowboy and his water gun joining forces with the sun or maybe to the great beyond where I can be James Bond where I save all that will be through artfully made green tea instead of hiding caught in-between deciding where has my time gone away? what the heck did I really do today? where has my time gone away? what the heck did I really do today? did I really do today? Did I really do? Did I really? Did I?
9.
In Bushwick 03:50
at sunrise in Brooklyn, dark and cold will anyone see us here around these buildings so old? our broken strings and shoes make echoes from a century forlorn like faded advertisements painted on the brick buildings so worn how did we get here on these city streets? when did this get built up? how did we get here on these broken foundations? when did this fall down? in a broken down abandoned lot walking in the plants used to be a concrete factory whoever bought it took a chance to try make another thing happen with milk and honey but like the venture before, they ran out of money how did we get to be here on these broken foundations? when will this fall down? how did we get to be here on these city streets? when was this built up? most of the cool hipsters ignore us when they come home off to their own great loft party or out to their watering hole they ignore this cello in the trash they ignore this horse grazing next door but that one person looks at us wondering how this could be? how did we get to be here on these city streets? when was this built up? how did we get to be here on these broken foundations? when did this fall down? surprised and elated she reaches in her saddle bag she pulls out her camera points, clicks, flashes and whirs she takes me out of the trash strings me up with a new bridge she climbs the fence offers sugar cubes and then she strokes my head and we ride off to a new day and we ride off to a new day where will you take me today? where will we be tomorrow? how will we leave these broken foundations? to find a wild place? at sunset in Brooklyn, dark and cold No one knows we left there around those buildings so old
10.
sitting in the car listening to n p r waiting for my wife to come outside daughter sitting in the back with a stack of library books silently together passing time she is wondering if I’ll make up a story about wizards and dragons and gold hidden in mountains rain is falling everywhere endless streams from here to there rain is falling on the top of my car reminding me of of my daughter’s middle name Amane the heavenly sound of rain is in my car reading sitting in the car listening to n p r waiting for my wife to come out from a meeting everyone else running really really really really fast maybe off to class or a lesson or out to another car to be picked up by someone else who's probably listening to n p r…as well rain is falling everywhere endless streams from here to there rain is falling on the top of my car reminding me of of my daughter’s middle name Amane the heavenly sound of rain is in my car reading sitting in the car listening to n p r looking for my wife to come down the steps windshield wipers moving back and forth south to north out of time with my playing the ukulele and singing with the daily news on n p r rain is falling everywhere endless streams of thought from here to there rain is falling on the top of my car reminding me of of my daughter’s middle name Amane the heavenly sound of rain is in my car reading
11.
sit back, enjoy a rest take a chance to do much less no emails or texts allowed no calls, few speak aloud so you can read, freewrite, meditate do alexander feldenkrais while you wait voices seem indistinct in gentle disorder as though through a pitched vocoder strong and loud up in the air the wheels crackle home (2X) we cough and shift in our seats enjoying anticipation a taut line ready to release unbuckling into the sky shaking in encapsulation the sound shifts as we begin to fly the engine revs and stirs the air as we gently turn and turn into barely cohesive wispy clouds as we purely yearn and yearn strong and loud up in the air the wheels crackle home (2X) listen to the turbines whirring under the wings singing creating oscillations softly singing incantations a really high sound like an old TV set taking all the thoughts it can get while a drone continues long and deep we’re almost falling asleep does anyone know where we are? a hidden message to the crew sunshine streaming through the window overexposing our view from this brief passing dream we reconnect and awaken somehow we are escaping fate floating towards heaven strong and loud up in the air the wheels crackle home strong and loud up in the air the wheels, the wheels, the wheels, the wheels crackle home

credits

released August 8, 2020

Songs and Lyrics
By Loren Kiyoshi Dempster

Cello, Voice, Ukulele, Guitar,
Percussion, Electronics,
Keyboards, Conch Shell, Didjeridu,
and Field Recordings
by Loren Kiyoshi Dempster

Recorded and mixed at my home studio here in Appleton, WI

Mastered by Brent Hauer

Cover Art, @2014 Suiren, a.k.a Renko Ishida Dempster

Artist Photo by Eric Bandiero and is from a performance with Chris Ferris and Dancers

Other track photos were taken by Loren Kiyoshi Dempster
or Margaret Sunghe Paek

Appreciation to my Song Writing Group and FAWM.org for their thoughtful support

Special thanks to Dad for his Deep Listening

lorendempster.com

©2020 Loren Kiyoshi Dempster (ASCAP)

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Loren Kiyoshi Dempster Appleton, Wisconsin

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